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Stage Four

by touche amore

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I’m heartsick and well rehearsed Highly decorated with a badge that reads “it could be worse” So prideful I choose to live in disguise with a levee set for my heavy eyes I apologize for the grief When you’d refuse to eat I didn’t know just what to say While watching you wither away I’m homesick and living in the past Seemingly unfazed and strong if anyone asks I’m keeping up appearances with white lies with a levee set for my heavy eyes I apologize for the grief When you’d talk about belief I didn’t know just what to say While watching you wither away it was time this whole time we can’t undo or rewind Just a simple conversation About nothing much at all Couldn’t keep me in the room I just kept walking down the hall But now I understand Just what a fool I’d been No matter what the context I won’t have that time again (and I live with that) I took inventory of what I took for granted and I ended up with more than I imagined I’ve kept it bottled up and to myself in the cellar kept for my ever-changing mental health
Somehow it’s already been a year Embracing all diversions to make this feeling disappear Now I just feel you everywhere It coincides with the guilt of knowing that I wasn’t there I was told that you wouldn’t have known Told myself I was where you’d want me to be (but it’s not that easy) I tried to be your light Did my best to shine Nothing I do feels right As I went out all the time How has it already been a year? I skip over songs, because they’re too hard to hear Like track two on Benji or “What Sarah Said” They just hit too close when I’m already in my head I was told that you were half asleep Told myself you would be proud of me (but it’s not that easy) Somehow it’s already been a year You keep finding new ways to make yourself reappear I hope you never leave me be I haven’t found the courage to listen to your last message to me
Rapture 03:11
With so much gloom surrounding I feel cornered up against a wall Pulled down and slowly drowning Taking bets on who is next to fall I saw the glass as half full So I felt I could ask for more I was comfortable It spilled over onto the floor I begged to go back to before With the damage done And the damage won Like a wave Like the rapture Something you love is gone Like a wave Like the rapture Something you love is gone Someone you love is gone And leaves you fractured i saved the worst for last
Displacement 02:11
You died at 69 With a body full of cancer I asked your god “how could you” But I never heard an answer No one saw it coming the Diagnosis of stage four The bravest woman I knew That survived it once before Last week I crashed my car I walked away unscathed Maybe that was you Asking me to keep my faith You’d cry at the thought Of never seeing me again If there was an afterlife Or what you’d call heaven I’ve never felt so selfish, it’s not what I prefer I always kept it honest, especially for her She gave me her best, she swore I was her heart I couldn’t worship the god that let her fall apart I’m not sure what I believe well I think that’s understood but I know she’s looking out for me The way she said she would
Benediction 03:39
It’s an ugly day in Glendale in a place that you once knew Where you helped that senile woman that now has outlived you I’m still taking it all in I’m adapting to this loss I wonder if she remembers you How could she have forgotten There’s a crack in this shell and some light is shining through As I sorted through the pieces that told the stories I never knew You left a hole in this earth and you paid for it up front I had to fill it with dirt while your friend sang the song May the Lord, mighty God, Bless and keep you forever; Grant you peace, perfect peace, Courage in every endeavor It was a sunny day in Norfolk next to the tree that caught your eye I walked the ground you grew on with my brother at my side I’m still taking it all in I’m adapting to this loss People say with time it gets easier But I just think that they are wrong
There is no dress rehearsal Just a script that I’ve never read A sad story that is universal A vague idea of what to expect Is it curtains already I haven’t learned my lines Is it curtains already I just thought that we’d have more time A missed call with a message attached “We need to talk when you have a chance” I stood frozen in that Gainesville venue Not knowing how to react Is it curtains already? I haven’t learned my lines Is it curtains already? I’ll improvise Not surprising I put off the call Socialized and put up a wall Anything to prolong the chances Before confirming she was really gone I crossed SW 2nd Street Made the call and stared at my feet “She passed away about an hour ago While you were onstage living the dream”
Palm Dreams 02:26
What was it that brought you west? I assumed but can only guess It’s the questions that went unasked That appear when time has passed It felt like many years Taking apart our home I dug through 40 years All alone On my own Was it all the palm trees Placed where they shouldn’t be That made you feel complete In this land of make believe Like going 65 on the 5 at 5 I am still bereaved Come every ocean breeze What was it that brought you west? Where I lay my head to rest
When words are softer spoken, they often sound the best Now so interwoven they’ve burrowed in my chest I’m all used up I’m out of steam Vacationing somewhere in between A city named catharsis and the other called empty In one I feel so common and the other I am royalty I’m seeking out a place, one to give me peace (and everything between) Because ever since you died I can’t control anything Everything feels new built from catastrophe Just when I get a hold it slips away from me I’ve always relied on melody I’ve come to rely on love But there’s absence in my heart when I know I have enough
Posing Holy 02:47
A sugar scented sinful message that everyone saw through Now subterfuge and Manhattan blues seem to dictate my mood I’ve counted blessings while confessing I’ve some to spare Beg or borrow swallow sorrow I’ve come prepared It’s a right of passage It’s a torch to carry When you feel that damage And it’s extraordinary The oscillating toll it’s taking on everyone involved We’ll find connections through extensions to not feel so alone It’s an initiation Conducted at bedside To a steady beat To help keep time We’re all focused on holding onto All that we have got While we’re drifting slowly and posing holy for all that we are not
Water Damage 03:52
You couldn’t help but spill your glass onto that night stand So that wood raised and cracked You came to have such shaky hands Those patriotic coffee cups that came in a set of four, became three when I found a handle broken off on the tile floor Where you used to cook our meals while you watched that small TV that was so dangerously placed above the kitchen sink they’ve all gone away Again I find myself focused on the insignificance Like there will be a revelation that’ll make a difference That night when you took the wrong dose and weren’t making any sense is a night that I often remember and one I wish I COULD forget but it’s there to stay It’s been replaying over and over The words they echo over and over When you leaned in and said “We both know what this is” And I haven’t recovered since
Skyscraper 03:53
Atop the skyscraper One hundred and two floors New York City It was yours You live there under the lights Below the busy streets We watched your dreams unfold New York City It’s all yours


released September 16, 2016

Touché amoré is
jeremy bolm: vocals
clayton stevens: guitar
nick steinhardt: guitar
elliot babin: drums
tyler kirby: bass

All songs written by
Touché Amoré / Published by condolences, Evol Sister, 23db Music, Hurt Guy Inc,
Beer Champion (SESAC)

Recorded, mixed and produced by Brad Wood at Seagrass Studios, Valley Village, CA

drums recorded at steakhouse studio, north hollywood, ca

additional vocals on ‘skyscaper’ by julien baker

Mastered by emily lazar at
the lodge, new york, ny

Art Direction & Design: Nick Steinhardt
Collage: Anthony Gerace
Photography: Ryan Aylsworth

Management: Blaze James, rocnation

Legal: Paul Sommerstein
Booking: Merrick Jarmulowicz
for Ground Control Touring
(Europe): Steve Strange for
XRay Touring

Thank you: Blaze james, Merrick jarmulowicz, brad wood, brett gurewitz, dave hansen, christine morales, matt mcgreevey, jason link, jeff abarta, rhonda jessee, Alex estrada, Zach tuch, Dewey thomas, alex merchant, Krzysztof paciorek, Matt schmitz, Dave Summers, Joey Cahill, Bobby Kowalski, Andy Clarke, Evan Sebastian, mike richter, Tre mccarthy, jake bannon, rich rossi, stephanie marlow, katy ables, steve strange, josh javor, Matt farrar, Aaron vishria, tim mckee, Emmett menke, Dan lemley, our families, loved ones and bands we call both


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touche amore Los Angeles, California



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